This article is about the control and the power struggle that mothers still try to have over their sons and the jealousy they have over other women in their lives.
Yes, mothers want their sons to get married, settle down, give them grandchildren through a family of their own etc. But we have heard so many times that so often some mothers just can’t let go of the control that they have had on their sons by being the main woman in their life for so long. They simply can’t let go.
A lot of this is down to the simple fact that before any girlfriend or wife enters the home, the main woman in a mans life is usually his mother. And rightly so – she carried him for 9 months, gave birth to him, brought him up, fed him and so the list goes on. Through all of that, there’s no denying that it does create a special bond, but it also makes her believe that she, and only she knows what’s best for him. And so when the daughter-in-law that thinking doesn’t change at all.
A big part of that is to do with the traditional way of thinking, that after a couple got married, the daughter-in-law moved into her husband’s family home and had to live under the rules of her in-laws, mainly the mother. This meant the mother-in-law could now also control her – because she had moved into her home. Surely this is changing now in today’s society. Most of us are educated working women, and we will not be told what to do, or would we?
Does your mother-in-law suggest or tell you what you should wear to a family function or occasion? Perhaps she did at first and you slowly changed that.
We have heard stories where in laws feel they can pop over without calling to their son’s house. They might think this is perfectly normal and so might you…or not? Perhaps your mother in law is constantly calling to see what you and her son are up to, as she can’t bear the thought of not knowing. Could this be a subtle form of keeping that control a little bit? Your in laws might even expect you to come round theirs for dinner certain times a week with could be nice in some respects but also a little too much sometimes?
We have also heard some stories where the mother in law is constantly craving attention from her son, e.g. lifts to places things need fixing around house etc. How do we keep the balance? After all, family is important.
If you are living together as an extended family perhaps you are not expected to move out. Perhaps your husband is a ‘mummy’s boy’ and this is having an impact on your marriage.
Can you relate to any of the above? What examples have you come across and how did you deal with it? We would love to hear from you so that we can give each other positive advice in order to make these relationships flourish, especially is it’s causing you stress. We want to hear from you!