In many conversations with friends and relatives about married life, we often hear stories about judgement.  Judgement from your in laws.

We recently saw an example of this in the mainstream press when the famous boxer Amir Khan’s wife talked openly about how her in-laws passed judgement on her based on the way she looked, and what she wore. But we also heard if from their side as well, that she passed judgement on them based on their way of life.

First time meetings after or before marriage  can be daunting. That daunting feeling is pretty much down to how you feel you are going to be judged by the wider family.  That can work that both ways.  We have heard some stories about some people feeling judged about the way they have dressed, perhaps too revealing on some family occasions.  Talking of family occasions, you might feel you are being judged if you are drinking alcohol, or even eating meat in some cases.  Some people have to hide that they are drinking on occasions.

Getting really petty now it could be as simple as how you greet and meet with family.  Yep some asians can be like that!  It might be that people don’t actually say anything, but it could be just that look that makes you feel uncomfortable, and you just know you are being judged.  Who knows that look?!

We have also heard stories where people feel like they are being judged by how they are raising their children.  One common example, is that these days parents don’t give as much chocolate/sweets as they did back 20/30 years ago.  So grandparents might not entirely agree with this and think you are being too harsh.  Surely how you raise your children should be entirely your business?  Or should grandparents be allowed to have their say?

We would love to hear your examples and stories and if you have overcome any ‘judgement’ issues as we need to  give each other positive advice especially if it’s causing you stress.

 

Comments

    • Anon
    • October 8, 2017
    Reply

    I find the fact that this happens very upsetting. I don’t even live with my in-laws although they aren’t too far from me and I’m still conscious every day about what i’m wearing, how much make-up i’m wearing, how I’ve done my hair. it’s so stupid i know and my husband tells me it’s stupid i feel like that but I can’t help it, I have been married for 7 years and in that time, my mother in law has pretty much criticised everything about me. I’ve lost all my confidence and if there is anyone that has been in this situation and can tell me how to maybe approach this a different way, I would really appreciate it!

    • Anonymous
    • October 8, 2017
    Reply

    I was judged for arguing with my husband. Simple as that. In my in-laws world, a wife keeps her mouth shut no matter what. If she answers back to her husband, she is ‘bad’.

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