Can a daughter-in-law really be treated like a daughter? Or a son like a son-in-law? Do you feel like you are being treated differently.
Historically, in the Indian sub-continent, when a girl was born into a family, parents knew that one day she will leave to go to her married home – her ‘real’ home. That came with an ultimate belief that your real mother was your husband’s mother, and that the birth mother had simply given birth to you and brought you up until it was time for you to get married. They believed that however they were treated by their in-laws family was down to destiny and fate, and that it just needed to be accepted – because this was their real family.
Now, we are writing this as 2nd generation British born Indians, but we have heard some people do feel second best in families. Even in these days when couples are more likely to be living in their own homes rather than with the family.
Do you think this is a mentality that can change? Is the thinking that your daughter-in-law is your real daughter or that your mother in law is your real mum outdated? I am sure there are some of you that have a great relationship with your mother-in-laws. We would love to hear from you – what makes it work?
Or let’s flip it the other way for a second. What about mother in laws not being made to feel like mum’s from their daughter in laws? What about those mother in laws that are treated so differently than the real mums by the daughter in laws? This equally causes the same feelings of hurt and resentment. For example, does your daughter-in-law invite her family over for dinner more than yours? Does she spend more time with her family and take her children to see her family more than yours? If you are experiencing this, we hope you also can share your experience and feelings so that people reading this will think again about their actions.
Do you feel like you get treated differently from your in laws than your sister/brother in laws? Examples might be they get more gifts in general, or at birthdays and christmas. It could be that you feel you are left out of family discussions and things are hidden from you? Maybe one way of overcoming this is just accept and don’t expect to be treated same as its natural that your own children will always come first.
Lastly, if you are one of the lucky people to have a great relationship with your mother in law or vice versa, your experiences and words of wisdom will be most valuable in this blog.